There is a lot to possibly dissect this month based on Supercomm buzz. Enhancing everyone’s diets with fiber, all the public policy “stuff” (particularly what to do about VoIP), enterprise extranets that bypass service provider network intelligence for offering ecosystem web services, and wireless/wireline convergence and the schizophrenia it could cause ILEC holding companies are just a few. However, why talk about macro issues when it is the mundane that makes us all nuts? This is, after all, a marketing column. We are all targets of opportunity for industry promotions. It sure would be nice if for once the marketing departments of service suppliers were more respectful. At a minimum, they would get the privilege of keeping us as customers. They might even make a buck.

Here are some things that really drive me crazy.  I am sure you have your own list. 

First. AT&T’s business office has called several times for me to switch my “business plan” to a cheaper one. They claim they do the billing for my business lines for Verizon, and if would just go with them I’d no longer pay for all of my local calls and would get cheaper long distance rates. Very interesting. They refuse to acknowledge that  a.) six months ago I took my fax line out of service and transferred my extra business line service to a Verizon all-distance  residential service for my daughter and b.) I could do this because I take my business calls on my cell phone through Verizon, which is why I don’t need AT&T, period. They are incredulous. 

I am astounded at their ineptitude. I also inform them that should I start receiving bills from them for any reason, I would not be a happy camper. No wonder they are in trouble. No wonder the SEC is looking into all carriers and inflated subscriber counts. Message to AT&T: “Leave me alone, and clean up your act.”

Second. Cablevision is my Internet service and entertainment TV service provider. I am fortunate I live where they are rolling out “Triple Play” capabilities--digital cable TV, Internet and Internet voice service. It is priced at a nice promotional price that is $30 per month less than I pay just for my Internet and non-digital cable service. 

I want to subscribe. I can’t. I am not a “new customer.” I am an existing customer. I volunteered to terminate my current service and become a “new” customer. They said I would need to bring in my old equipment, and have a truck roll to install the new services. “It might take a few weeks, there probably would be some period of time between the old service ended and the new one begins, and there is no number portability,”  I was informed.  

So much for customer loyalty.  I guess the Dolan family, who owns Cablevision and was just ranked as having two family members confirmed as having the #1 and #3 highest per annum salaries on Long Island, made so much money taking advantage of “new customers” they have not had time to worry about existing ones. I guess a Marketing 101 class for the family is out of the question. You know, the one that says it is less expensive to enhance revenues from existing customers than it is to attract new ones, and that the effect of a dissatisfied customer can be not only the permanent loss of them to alternatives (satellite), but also them badmouthing you to seven other people on average. Maybe my low expectations should have been lower. This is the same Dolan family who owns Madison Square Garden and has successfully ruined the Knicks and Rangers.

Third. Three years ago I bought a luxury car (the brand shall remain nameless because it seems they all are in cahoots). I got the car partly because things were good and “I could.” It was mostly because family medical issues dictated a car with lots of leg room and heated seats. I also bought the navigation system with integrated voice control that incorporated a cellular phone. I figured since it was the first year being offered, it would enhance the resale value. I was not informed at the time by the dealer my cell phone antenna was hardwired for the car at the factory. This meant that a.) there was no cheap way to switch providers and b.) I could only get a new phone from the car dealer and not my service provider. FYI: A new phone from the car dealer is $600 and it not exactly fully-featured. I was not happy.

I started investigating alternatives. Surely there had to be an inexpensive way to get a new state-of-the-art cell phone for use with the car’s navigation system. There is none. The only alternative is to supply your own hands-free solution that plugs into the car’s lighter and will not work with the navigation system, or pay the car dealer for a $1,200 a new antenna. I asked Verizon Wireless if I could have a second phone with the same number so I could keep the old phone for use in the car and get a new one for everywhere else. They were incredulous. “Why would we want to do that?” they asked. “Because I am a loyal customer…Plus, you guys and everyone else always give away extra phones in your promotional campaigns…What gives?” I responded. “That is as a spare or to encourage people to get the family plan,” was the answer. 

I wonder what kinds of cars the executives of Verizon Wireless drive? I wonder if they pay their car dealers for new phones for use with their proprietary antenna installations? 

Fourth.  I heard a start-up VoIP service provider talking about the “value proposition” the company provides customers. At the top of the list was “avoiding state and local taxes and other governmentally-imposed fees.” I got squeamish. I am all for avoiding taxes, but seem to remember that some of those fees go to offset shortfalls in state and local revenues created by things like no sales taxes on Internet purchases, and also to pay for the cost of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Nice value prop.  What about some new and compelling services?

Patriotism aside, I feel abused.  As John Stossel of ABC News' popular “20/20” television show likes to say, “Give Me a Break!”

Peter Bernstein is President of Infonautics Consulting Inc. He can be reached at pb111451@optonline.net.