I attended Sun Microsystems’ JavaOne conference today. Yes, yes, yes, big whoop. I know I don’t make a usual practice out of filling you in on my daily reporting activities, but this was a rather a unique experience: I attended it in Second Life.

For those of you not familiar (though you should be--you all work in a technology, after all), Second Life is part game, part virtual life simulation. You walk around in a 3D world as an avatar, interacting with other people’s avatars, objects and whatnot. The difference between it and, say, one of the massively multiplayer online games you may have heard about is that the object isn’t to smite demons, collect treasure or save princesses. Rather, you just live. Pretty much the ordinary, mundane activities of every day life are replicated in the game. You can dress yourself, buy things, set up a house and waste time bantering with your friends. You can even buy cell phone service, or at least you will be able to soon.

And being a reporter in real life means I can also be a reporter in virtual life so I downloaded the software and was born as a tall, skinny Japanese anime character—I never figured a bunch of rendered polygons could appear sulky, but sulky looking I was. After a few practice drills to acclimate myself to my new environment, I was off to Sun’s JavaOne keynotes. Ostensibly I was there to cover the launch of JavaFX Mobile, a new unified Java environment designed to span all mobile devices. At least I think that’s what it was. I admit I had trouble paying attention.

First of all, I was carrying a torch—not the figurative kind one carries for an ex-girlfriend or the English battery-powered variety, but rather a large flaming medieval torch that I couldn’t seem to extinguish or get rid of. This wound up in my hands at my Second Life orientation and never disappeared (I supposed I shouldn’t have rushed through those drills). If I was worried about this drawing too much attention to me, I shouldn’t have. My flaming torch by far wasn’t the weirdest thing around. A couple of the other attendees were sporting demonic bat-like wings or more butterfly-like fairy wings. The Sun employee by the door also appeared to be holding some kind of mystical glowing orb that clearly made her an authority figure, and she was flanked by a rather large gentleman named Ogre Smash, who may or not have been providing virtual security for the event. The woman with the orb asked me to sit and make my virtual self comfortable, which I accomplished after a few moments of fiddling with the controls.

Finally, I was on a nice comfy pillow, in a coliseum-like chamber, watching Sun chief researcher John Gage and chief gaming officer Chris Melissinos standing on raised dais chatting pleasantly about the miracle of Java. This should have been where my notepad came out--virtual or otherwise--but again there were a few distractions. The biggest distraction by far was the random people who kept falling out of the sky in the middle of the keynote. They’d land on their feet and go on their merry way. Also, every once in a while, someone sitting near me would appear to slump dead with a note over their Avatar indicating they were “away.” Where they were away to, I have no idea, but I plan to try it at the next staff meeting.

At one point in the middle of his keynote, Gage suddenly took off and flew away while I believe he was still speaking. I’m not sure if he was just stressing a point or giving a demonstration. But next time I see John Chambers or Ed Zander speak at a conference you can bet I’ll be disappointed if they don’t pull off the same feat.

Anyway, Gage reappeared again, sat in the audience and momentarily did the out-of-virtual-body-experience thing. After he woke up and the keynote session ended, I--remembering my reporting duties--tried to ask him a question. I think he agreed to answer it, but he was instantly mobbed by the rest of the Second-Life attendees sharing their thoughts about the conference and the new Java platform (remember that?). I think I got lost in the shuffle. I looked furtively for a push or shove button, but couldn’t make sense of the controls. That’s OK. Thanks to Gage, I learned a new trick. I figured out how to fly. And that kept me busy for hours. Was I supposed to be writing about something?

Contact me at kfitchard@telephonyonline.com.